iamacp.com - I Am A Computer Programmer » Humor

Pay Attention To Your IM Before You Send

Mike — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:34:32 +0000

I have done some pretty funny and sometimes stupid things throughout my career. I would like to share a funny story on something accidentally I did today. I normally work from home and use a separate VMware (operating system self contained in a app) image to do my work and thus my personal stuff is usually private. I was not paying attention since work wasn’t too busy. Normally I try to keep access to both my personal im app and work im app. Well like an idiot I was kidding around with my friend but accidentally sent the message to a coworker. The context the message was used must have made me look kind of crazy but hopefully he realized after my apology that it was just a mistake.

Remember pay attention or you may have a embarassing situation like me.

Coding Stupidity And Offshore Workers

Mike — Fri, 08 May 2009 23:22:08 +0000

I usually remote in to the office most of the time but I decided to go to the office one day. I was sitting at my desk the other day and I overheard a very interesting and funny conversation. It seems this Indian supervisor at work was talking on the phone (probably to the offshore team) and was annoyed that someone checked in Java classes that had a method with 600 lines. Who in they’re right mind would code such a unmaintainable monster?

No computer programmer that I have ever met from the newbie to the expert would ever think of coding like that. Perhaps they’re trying to get job security by writing code that they can only understand. This is not the old days like coders used to get away with that. It does not work like that in today’s work environment. It will only annoy people and make the programmer look bad.

Write in C – Let it be Parody

Mike — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 23:49:44 +0000

I’ve seen some interesting videos related to programming but this has got to be the coolest video I’ve seen in a long time. What do you get when you get a software developer with a talent for music. You get a parody if Let it be called Write in C which is a Let it be parody. I really could relate to this song.

Programming Contest

Mike — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:02:12 +0000

Jesus and Satan have an extended argument as to who is the better computer programmer. Finally, they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin programming. Typing furiously for several hours, they enter lines of code streaming across the screen.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest has ended.

God asks Satan to show what he has done. Satan is visibly upset and cries, “I have done nothing! The power outage destroyed all of my work!”

“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see how Jesus fared.” Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid displays of 3-D color. The voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is stunned and stutters, “But how?! How did he do that?!”

God chuckles, “Jesus Saves!”

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?

Mike — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:00:38 +0000

Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Why A Programmer Stays In The Shower All Day

Mike — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:00:34 +0000

How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

On The Mountain

Mike — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:36:01 +0000

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

“I know,” said the Departmental Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”

“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”

“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

Different Perspectives Of A Flat Tire

Mike — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 04:00:43 +0000

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.

The project manager said: “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination.”

The computer programmer said: “We have here the driver’s guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.”

The computer operator said: “First of all, let’s turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem.”

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: “Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again.”

Programming Languages are Like Cars

Mike — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 04:00:27 +0000

Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain.
FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.
FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford.
FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.
COBOL: A delivery van. It’s bulky and ugly but it does the work.
BASIC: A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You’ll ditch it as soon as you can afford a new one.
PL/I: A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.
C++: A black Firebird, the all macho car. Comes with optional seatbelt (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to assembler).
ALGOL 60: An Austin Mini. Boy that’s a small car.
ALGOL 68: An Aston Martin. An impressive car but not just anyone can drive it.
Pascal: A Volkswagon Beetle. It’s small but sturdy. Was once popular with intellectual types.
LISP: An electric car. It’s simple but slow. Seat belts are not available.
PROLOG/LUCID: Prototype concept cars.
FORTH: A go-cart.
LOGO: A kiddie’s replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real engine and a working horn.
APL: A double-decker bus. It takes rows and columns of passengers to the same place all at the same time but it drives only in reverse and is instrumented in Greek.
Ada: An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power brakes, and automatic transmission are standard. No other colors or options are available. If it’s good enough for generals, it’s good enough for you.
Java: All-terrain very slow vehicle.

Am I From This Country?

Mike — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:00:37 +0000

This is a true story. I just could not believe that this happened to me. I was having problems with my cable and internet service for several days. The cable guy comes and fixes my internet and cable tv and he asks me this “Are you from this country?”.

I was like yes I’m from the northeast originally. I could not believe I was even asked that question. I mean don’t people realize that the US is much larger than Kentucky/Southern Indiana? I know I speak with a heavy New England accent but I do not have a foreign accent. I speak the same way everyone in my home state does.